There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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