The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just cropdusted the office
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
