Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
