Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
