Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
