apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
