If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
