a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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