Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
