I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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