Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
