yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
