I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
