i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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