did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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