My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize