Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
