so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just want nice things and good sex
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
