Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
