I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
