my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
and eventually we just all took our pants off
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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