her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
