I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
