And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
