My hand turned me down
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
