k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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