There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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