My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
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