Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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