I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
