so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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