He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize