yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
