I can tuck mytits in my pants
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
