I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This baby is an asshole
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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