she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
