there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
