Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
