I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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