I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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