Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
