No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
