with your own penis?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
