Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
