and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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