"it" just moved
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
