The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
