So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
