we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Congratulations! We have a period
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
