Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
