Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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