i was rollin on her like bob the builder
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You're a waste of cheezeits
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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