one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
