FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
