Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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