Tell her she can't have a vagina
You can't special order awesome
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
