this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
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Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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