life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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