Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
