you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
