I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
