New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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