i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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