I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
