i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
