we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Your dad touched me again.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
