she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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