I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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