what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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