i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
