I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
