i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
