So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
