i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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