My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
