kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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