I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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