Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
