I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
