Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
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Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
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Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize