this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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